As Fi Bows to Peer Pressure

“A Bloomberg survey found that 55% of Americans thought the government should not bail out private companies with taxpayers’ money even if their collapse could damage the economy, while only 31% thought it should. A Pew poll found pretty much the opposite. It all depends on how you ask the question.” (The Economist, ‘The Candidates Intervene’, 27/09-03/10 2008, p.58).

Indeed.

The following are words unique to NZ from Wikipedia. To be honest, I hadn’t really realised there were so many or that I’d stopped using them but now I read the list I miss using them in everyday life. Having done a hunt for all things Naki (another story) - this was the best I could find to remind myself of home and family at a time (Easter) when home and family are really important (yes I know this is also a particularly good time to be thinking about sacrifice and grace and Jesus but that’s a discussion for Sunday).

New Zealand words (thanks Wikipedia)

Unique to New Zealand

• au, - pronounced “o”, from the Māori word aua meaning “I don’t know”. Common in Northland and Gisborne.
• bach, — a small holiday home, usually near the beach, often with only one or two rooms and of simple construction. Pronounced “batch”. Comes from bachelor. (See also ‘crib’, below).
• bay - a mutation of the common slang word “Bro”. Mostly used in and around Gisborne. Commonly combined with the slang “eta” to form “eta bay” and pronounced as one word.
• boondocks, — rural, isolated part of the country (not unique, however)
• a box of birds, - I am fine, used as a response to the question “how are you?” A common follow-up is all shit and feathers. (See also ‘a box of fluffies’, below).
• a box of fluffies — a variant of “a box of birds”.
• bunk/bunking - truancy
• chilly bin - An Esky or other portable polystyrene/plastic food and beverage cooler
• choice! — informal excellent! Great idea! Common in Auckland
• chur bro — Slang, humorous ‘pronounced as a deep ‘chair’ usually a strong voicing of thanks but also a parting salutation. Shortened from “cheers brother” although can be said to either male or female. Common in Auckland. More recently this can and has often been shortened to “chur bo”, as “bro” loses its ‘r’.
• crib — another word for bach, more commonly used in the south of the South Island.
• cuz — as in male or female cousin.
• Dag(g) — similar to a “hard-case” i.e. a comedian or funny person. Commonly used in the phrase: “What a dag!”. NZ comedian John Clarke’s stage name Fred Dagg was influenced by this.
• dairy — equivalent to the British term corner shop or American term convenience store.
• dak — marijuana
• The Ditch — slang the Tasman Sea, the “ditch” separating New Zealand and Australia, almost always used in the phrase: “across the ditch”, meaning, Australia. Occasionally also refers to Cook Strait, which separates the two main islands of the country.
• domain — as well as its common overseas uses, a public park or reserve, often with sports or camping facilities.
• egg - mild insult meaning ‘fool’ or ‘dork’. Enjoyed widespread use in the 1980s, still used today. Used to be used occasionally with the partner (and now all but obsolete) “spoon”.
• eh! (occasionally spelled “aye”) — Slang used for emphasis at the end of a sentence, eh!. Can be used as meaning “isn’t it”. (A similar but not identical usage is found in Canadian English). See Eh. Possibly adapted by derivation from the Maori oral punctuitive syllable “e” (pronounced as the ‘e’ in “egg”) eg “e hine e”, “e tu”, “tino pai e”. More recently spelt “ay” or “aye”, which is a closer phonetic spelling in the NZ accent.
• eoh; eoa; aoh (no agreed spelling, conversational only) derived from the Maori “e hoa” (friend). Used as a friendly term meaning “mate” in the NZEng equivalent, or bro; also used as “hey” or “yo” in place of subject’s name if at the beginning of a phrase. Non-gender specific, and pronounced like a very short, clipped “our” perhaps without the final ‘r’, or like out without the ‘t’. Was common in Auckland but was popularised by the television show ‘bro’Town’, where it is both pronounced and written as ‘ow’. “Eoh, you coming or not?”; “Where you been eoh?”.
• Et/Eta/Eta Harry, - pronounced “Etta”. Common in Gisborne, exclamation similar to “whatever”. Often used to express the sentiment “that is not true”. Derived from the Maori word “Eta”.
• freezing works — a meat-packing plant, an abattoir.
• fulla — slang guy, from ‘fellow’.
• green fingered bro — slang for someone who regularly smokes cannabis; usually referring to a person from Kaitaia.
• Godzone - informal New Zealand: corruption from ‘God’s Own Country’.
• halfpai - slang meaning half-arsed eg “doing a halfpai job at doing the dishes”; actual meaning: half-good from the Maori word pai = good.
• hamu (pron. ha-moo) - verb or noun meaning scab (as above) or scrounge. Bay of Plenty origins, uncommon elsewhere.
• hard case — slang a person who has a very good sense of humour, a comedian.
• hau - expression: ‘wow’; often pronounced with a long drawn-out tail “hauuuuuu”; Maori origins, sometimes transmuted into hau-ly (holy), to punctuate the expression.
• hoon- Young delinquent
• JAFA - a derogatory acronym used to describe Aucklanders. This stands for Just Another Fucking Aucklander. Aucklanders refer to it as Just Another Fantastic Aucklander. This acronym has particular sentimental significance to NZers, being the name of an iconic cinema sweet (called Jaffas), which consist of a spherical marble sized shell of orange/red candy filled with chocolate. This explains the superfluous ‘F’ in some versions of the acronym.
• Jandals — slang as in US and UK “flip-flops”, Australia “thongs”. Portmanteau of Japanese Sandal. See Jandals.
• Joker - bloke, guy, fulla… usually a general term for kiwi male, with positive connotations. Sometimes a “good joker” or “funny joker”, never used in derogation. Although about two generations old from the time of entry, it is still recognised and understood.
• kina - sea urchin
• Mainland — informal usually, but not always, refers (sometimes mildly humorously) to the South Island, which, despite its much smaller population, is the larger of the two main islands of New Zealand.
• Manus - A derogatory term meaning idiot or imbecile. Pronounced ‘Mah - niss’. Derived from ‘male’ ‘anus’. Common in West Auckland.
• Mucky - informal A term used for making a mess, or some something that can be messy.
• OE or Big OE — informal overseas experience, time spent travelling and working overseas, usually beginning in London.
• P - a recently adopted term for Crystallised Methamphetamine. “P” stands for “pure”, which it was also called. During the mid-2000s, the New Zealand Media popularised this term for the illegal drug, and other terms are all but unused.
• paua - abalone
• pecking order - order of which siblings are born.
• pottle — in some areas, the unit by which strawberries and certain other fruit are sold. In other parts of New Zealand, the terms “chip” and “punnet”, shared with UK English, are better known.
• Queen Street farmer — informal humorous a usually pejorative term for an investor in rural land with no knowledge of land use.
• Rej - pronounced “reedge”. Abbr. of “reject”, a schoolyard insult.
• Remuera tractor/Fendalton tractor — slang humorous a usually pejorative term for an SUV (known as a “four wheel drive” locally) (compare Queen Street farmer, above). See Toorak Tractor.
• Rogernomics - a political term applied to so-called ‘economic reforms’ of the 1980s, and continuing worldwide today. These involved turning public assets and property over to private interest; selling government land and companies for short-term , one-off profit. Named in honour of its spearheading MP, Sir Roger Douglas.
• rolls/rollies - rolling tobacco (see tayllies)
• scarfie — slang a university student, particularly one studying at the University of Otago.
• shraps - slang, coins/loose change - derived from shrapnel which may also be used.
• sewl - slang,farewell/good-bye corruption of “see you” pronounced similar to “seal”
• Shot - slang said instead of thanks or cheers, commonly as “Shot bro” or “Shot g”
• sookie bubba noun (sometimes spelt ’sooky baba’ or variants) - NZ version of crybaby, wimp, tangiweto (maori). Extension of ’sook’ as used elsewhere.
• stores - slang, groceries (mainly used in Gisborne)
• tailies - cigarettes; shortened from tailor-made cigarettes.
• tin - slang Corrugated roofing iron, an icon of New Zealand architecture and widely used in old and new houses.
• Too Much - Good, Great, very pleased
• Twink - A popular brand of correction fluid that has become a generic term. Similar to Jandals.
• Tu Meke - Maori word meaning ‘Great’
• up the Puhoi — slang far from civilisation. The Puhoi is a river just north of Auckland. Over the years the phrase has evolved and is now often heard as “Up the Boohai”. It is also sometimes attributed to other New Zealand rivers. Again, more characteristic of the older generation.
• Vivid -A popular brand of permanent marker that has become a generic term. Similar to twink.
• Waka — slang term for any kind of vehicle or means of transport, from the Maori term waka used for a canoe or watercraft.
• Warewhare - pronounced wa-re-fa-re, nickname for the Warehouse stores.
• Westie — a derogatory term which refers to an inhabitant of West Auckland, usually Caucasian. It is also used by people from West Auckland instead of “Bogan” for people who may not even reside there. Has some similar sentiment to the term “white-trash” which is common in the U.S. Westies may be identified by their affinity for black clothing,(including tight jeans), Heavy Metal music, ‘muscle cars’ and aggressive dog breeds. Their women, children and pets are often just as tough as the men.
• West Island - humorous name for Australia due to it being west of NZ.
• WOF/Warrant — (Warrant of Fitness), vehicle roadworthiness test, similar to British MoT and the Australian Roadworthy Certificate, except that it is required 6-monthly for older vehicles. Often pronounced as ‘woof’.
• Wops/Wopwops - slang rural areas or towns/localities on the fringes of larger towns/cities. (Wop Wops or the Wop Wops are also used but less commonly).

I’ve been off work for two days - one of which was a “work-at-home” day but still - due to viral-induced asthma that has me wheezing and coughing as soon as I step outside. I have watched countless episodes of CSI, NCIS and Bones and I am now moving on to Private Practice. I’m watching the premiere and for the first time since the breathing problems started I nearly fell out of bed laughing. I love laughing so I thought I’d share the insanity.

Here’s why I was laughing:

St Pauls Cathedral is stunning, huge and a major part of the City of London skyline. Katie (my lovely sister who has come to spend Christmas with me) and I spent Wednesday night there with hundreds of other people singing old and new carols with the cathedral choir and the London Sinfonia. It felt very Christmas-y and was particularly fun due to the “celebrity” readers they used including Richard Armitage (from the new Robin Hood), Tamsin Grieg (Black Books), and Joanna Lumley. The highlight for me was the 12 Days of Christmas letter reading, which, despite having read it before, made me nearly fall off my seat with laughter.

For your viewing pleasure and to make you giggle as much as I did, I have copied it below:

25th December
My dearest darling
That partridge, in that lovely little pear tree! What a
enchanting, romantic,poetic present! Bless you and thank you.
Your deeply loving Emily

26th December
Mr dearest darling Edward
The two turtle doves arrived this morning and are cooing
away in the pear tree as I write. I’m so touched and
grateful.
With undying love, as always, Emily

27th December
My darling Edward
You do thinks of the most original presents: whoever
thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really
come all the way from France? It’s a pity that we have no
chicken coops, but I expect we’ll find some. Thank you,
anyway, they’re lovely.
Your loving Emily

28th December
Dearest Edward
What a surprise - four calling birds arrived this morning.
They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly -
they make telephoning impossible. Bit I expect they’ll calm
down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I’m very
grateful - of course I am.
Love from Emily

29th December
Dearest Edward
The postman has just delivered five most beautiful gold
rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly. A
really lovely present -lovelier in a way than birds, which do
take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived
yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I’m afraid
none of use got much sleep last night. Mummy says she wants
us to use the rings to ‘wring’ their necks - she’s only
joking, I think; though I know what she means. But I love
the rings. Bless you
Love, Emily

30th December
Dear Edward
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door
this morning, it certainly wasn’t six socking great geese
laying eggs all over the doorstep. Frankly, I rather hoped
you had stopped sending me birds - we have no room for them
and they have already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you
meant well, but - let’s call a halt, shall we?
Love, Emily

31st December
Edward
I thought I said no more birds; but this morning I woke up
to find no less than seven swans all trying to get into our
tiny goldfish pond. I’d rather not thinks what happened to
the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds - to
say nothing of what they leave behind them. Please, please
STOP
Your Emily

1st January
Frankly, I think I prefer the birds. What am I to do with
eight milkmaids - AND their cows? Is this some kind of a
joke? If so, I’m afraid I don’t find it very amusing.
Emily

2nd January
Look here Edward, this has gone far enough. You say you’re
sending me nine ladies dancing; all I can say is that judging
from the way they dance, they’re certainly not ladies. The
village just isn’t accustomed to seeing a regiment of
shameless hussies with nothing on but their lipstick
cavorting round the green - and it’s Mummy and I who get
blamed. If you value our friendship - which I do less and
less - kindly stop this ridiculous behaviour at once.
Emily

3rd January
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are
prancing abour all over what used to be the garden -before
the geese and the swans and the cows got at it; and several
of them, I notice, are taking inexcusable liberties with the
milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbours are trying to have us
evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily

4th January
This is the last straw. You know I detest bagpipes. The
place has now become something between a menagerie and a
madhouse and a man from the Council has just declared it
unfit for habitation. At least Mummy has been spared this
last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an
ambulance. I hope you’re satisfied.

5th January
Sir
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform
you that with the arrival on her premises a half-past seven
this morning of the entire percussion section of the
Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra and several of their friends
she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction
to prevent your importuning her further. I am making
arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, Yours faithfully,
G.CREEP
Solicitor-at-law

For the second time in as many weeks there’s an advert for a New Zealand Church/Church School in the English Church Times (the coffee-break at work newspaper of choice of course).

This time Wanganui Collegiate is looking for an organ scholar (by which they mean music tutor) and choral scholar. Having recently discovered Hadleigh Adams‘ website, a good friend from my high school days who I have failed miserably to keep up with at all, I am almost tempted to suggest he apply for the choral scholar position . . . although living in Wangavegas may put an end to his modelling career.

Life is full of hilarity . . . more blogging later today :o)

This story was linked to on the front page of the BBC news website, my new homepage and usually an excellent source for important current events. *Thanks* to BBC for bothering to publish this . . .

 

A New Zealand clergyman has been dubbed the “knicker-vicar” for coming to the aid of women in his town who found themselves with a brief problem.

Concern was raised when the only clothing shop in the small North Island town of Inglewood stopped selling women’s underwear.

So the Reverend Gary Husband proposed starting a regular “knickers-run” to the nearby city of New Plymouth.

“We get all the essentials here - apart from the ladies’ essentials,” he said.

The first run is planned before Christmas and, if successful, could be become a regular monthly event, he added.

‘Positive response’

He said he came up with the idea after the problem was brought to his attention by women in his congregation.

“Someone came up with the point that it was a bit difficult that ladies essentials were not able to be bought in Inglewood,” he told National Radio.

“So we’re going to have what’s been called a knickers run.”

Volunteers will take anyone without transport the 20km (12 miles) from Inglewood to New Plymouth.

Rev Husband said the scheme was open to all, regardless of faith.

“This is for the community… the response has been positive, we’ve had one (other) denomination get in touch with us, so it’s spreading.”
 

Given that many of my Passfield buddies are also BBC news website fans, I think I shall have some explaining to do. I’m a little lost as to why the BBC is covering this.

I like Sideswipe in the NZ Herald because they usually capture odd bits of life. Today’s first section was particularly good and I’ve reproduced it for your enjoyment (what a delightful turn of phrase). I particularly like 3 & 6.

How not to start your next police report (from the August Police Association newsletter)

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent.

3. The mayor then made an illegal left-hand turn on to State Highway 1, at which point I opened fire.

4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few “shout-outs” for my homeys in the command staff.

5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such a piercing intensity that, for a moment, I was sure I’d lost my mind.

6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy.

7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man actin’ suspishushly.

8. The suspect first tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist.

9. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …

One of my favourite movies is Love Actually, I can’t explain why . . . I just really really like it . . . anyway my all-time favourite scene is Hugh Grant as the British Prime Minister dancing to Jump (For My Love) by the Pointer Sisters. I guess, working in politics, you realise that MPs are incredibly human and it just strikes me as the kind of crazy thing they might like to do occasionally. Anyway, it turns out that the Hungarian Prime Minister agrees.

In February this year, a video made it onto the internet (in the way that videos do) made by the Hungarian Prime Minister as a wedding video gift. According to the PM, “it has been a habit for quite a few years with my friends that we watch a Hugh Grant movie on New Year’s Eve, more precisely at dawn on New Year’s Day, either Notting Hill or Love Actually“. In the spirit of this movie watching, the PM’s video shows him dancing around his study as Hugh Grant in Love Actually. What PM could resist the urge!

 

 
Click the video to watch :o)

I’ve been a tad on the busy side, as I mentioned last week, but there have been a couple of very funny moments during the caos.

I was told about both these videos at work and I’ve hunted them down for your viewing pleasure (it really is well worth it).

The first one is in Flemish (from Belgium). Not that it matters that it’s in Flemish, you’ll get the gist anyway. All you need to know is that the man being interviewed has just had a part of his body removed by mistake.

The second is funnier . . . and quite a sweetly amusing story. A lovely young business studies graduate from the Congo, called Guy, turns up to the BBC to apply for a high level IT job. While at reception, the receptionist is asked to find Guy Kewney for an interview on downloads and mp3s or something similar. Guy Kewney is Editor of NewsWireless, European Wireless Editor of eWeek.com, does a regular back page column for IT Week, and the regular lead column for Personal Computer World.

Unfortunately receptionist makes the fatal mistake of confusing Guy, the business studies graduate from the Congo, with Guy Kewney, and Guy from the Congo is taken off to be interviewed live on TV. His expression as he realises the camera is going live and he’s supposed to be this IT guy is priceless, but he manages to pull of a stellar interview and I seriously hope the BBC hired him on the spot. Silly BBC and poor, poor guy!! See it here (thanks to the Mail for publishing this!)

Please note - this should in no way be considered as condoning laughing at others misfortune :o)