About me
I get angry at silly things and when I’m tired and/or stressed my anger gets out of control and I do things that hurt other people. I also do things that hurt myself. Neither of these are good situations and I don’t want to be this person anymore. I was telling Adam last night in an email how much I need to learn patience and I think possibly self-control needs to be added to that too.
I am passionate and intense and while this can be a huge positive in the areas I want to work in, it’s been hugely draining for the other person in many past relationships. I don’t know how to deal with this.
I expect a lot from certain people and am easily upset when they’re not there for me. This makes me a nightmare friend sometimes. For other friends I am scared of letting them in because they have so much else to deal with - it feels like my problems will only weigh them down.
I like to think I’m strong and mature but often I feel the complete opposite.
I try very hard to be perfect and fail miserably all the time and seem to take this failure far too personally. If I was meant to be perfect, I wouldn’t be going through the mess of being human, right God?
I let people take advantage of me because I’d rather do that than compromise friendships and this makes me a bit bitter sometimes. I need to be a little more careful and almost selfish sometimes.
I guess this list could go on but I wanted to write what I was thinking so I’d have marker in the sand for this . . . and maybe one day someone will look at it and realise they’re not the only one who screws up and occasionally feels like they fail at life.
Tomorrow I go to Paris for the beginning of my second summer holiday but these are the thoughts that are clouding my mind. I wish I had all the answers for being happy, and strong, and slow to anger, and everything else, but I guess it’s the learning these things through a slow, and rather painful, process that makes us the people we are.
Hey lady,
long time no blog - is great to hear from/about you, how you’re doing.
Not that you’re necessarily wanting empathy/shared experience, but just in case…
I’ve often thought I was given more than my fair share of emotion, and it ALWAYS gets in the way in tough situations.
I don’t often express what I think in these situations, I express whatever my emotion is at the time: anger, frustration, despair, worry, fear…etc. I’m also excellent at procrastinating and running away.
The only way I’ve found to deal with emotional crap is to plug in my ipod, head off for a walk somewhere nice, and basically allow myself 30 mins for my emotions to run riot, away from other people.
When I come back, I have to tell myself sternly that I’ve had my time to be emotional, and now I have to give the rational side of my brain a turn. Sometimes it even works
You’re right to point out that the passionate/intense side of you is a positive. I’ve always found you to be a person of compassion and empathy, who truly cares about people, and ACTS on that emotion. That’s a valuable part of your character. It may have its downsides…but that’s what grace is for.
Good on you for being real. *hugs* coming your way bud
xxooooooooooo
Hey Fi
*Hugs* thats all I can say right now, that was very eloquent you know…. very,
Lisa
It is easy to run away, to find a safe place to hide and hope that which I am running from will walk on by or disappear into the night. But when that which I am running from is me, there is no place to hide. I found that to be true during a very painful period in my twenties. The more I ran, the more that which I ran from chased after me. So I learnt that I needed to face down the pain, to embrace it, to see it as part of me.
Yet even now there are still times I want to run and hide, especially from the more painful experiences and memories. In such times I find a place to walk, to vent, to yell, to complain. While most times I never can change that which is hurting so much, at least it is out there. And by placing it out there I am able to face another day.