As Fi Bows to Peer Pressure

More ideal jobs to keep you laughing (and for Lisa who definitely deserves some hilarity):

Lisa Rawlings - Mermaid (see on the days that you don’t feel like teaching kids properly, you can turn into a mermaid and teach them how to swim properly, sheer brilliance!)

Rose Stainer - Pirate

Rachel Cashmore - Astronaut

Nathan Bayliss - Nun

Kate Hughes - Dog Walker

Ash Dangerfield - Porn Star (sorry Ash, I had real hopes you were going to be a trained assassin)

Melissa Dabb - Lumberjack

Ben Johnson-Frow - Topless Model (that’s ok on boys)

Teri J-F - Paleantologist

And the one you’ve all been waiting for, what will Jakob J-F, Ben and Teri’s baby, become . . . drum roll please . . .  - Brain Surgeon

Have you seen the skin off my knee?

I lost it on Willis St, between Vivian and Ghuznee last night and would like to put it back caus it’s scar tissue and it’s gonna take ages to heal the normal way. I miss it so much it hurts.

Please email me if you find it . . . please . . .

:oP

Thanks to Sylvia, I have this wonderful new thing that takes names and tells you what your ideal job is. Now I know that this kind of thing has been circulating on the internet for ages and almost every time the job suggestions are dodgy but not in this case. In this wonderful little converter-thing, my little bro Sam is a fluffy bunny trainer. How sweet! here are other people (family + people on my blog roll):

Fiona McKenzie - Spinster with cats

Alan Mckenzie (Dad) - [Ideal job is] Between the hours of 12 and 1pm on days with a W in them

Natalia McKenzie (Mum) - Evil boss

Katie McKenzie (Sis) - As the local always in the pub whenever you walk in

David Williamson - Trained Assassin

Adam Williamson - Rabbit Slayer

Cynthia Tse - Supermodel

Livia - Goal Scoring Superstar Hero

Mark Field-Dodgson - Stripper

Michael Welsh - Mime Artist

Natalie Moreno - Mad Scientist

Nato - Circus Freak

Sarah Hughes - [Ideal job is] Between the hours of 12 and 1pm on days with a W in them. Huggies - Trained Assassin

If you want me to send you a copy of the ever delightful ‘ideal job’ thing, just leave me a comment and I’ll email it to you. Oooh - Freddy, gracias por tu mensaje, fue muy muy divertido. Te enviare un email pronto :o)

Before I begin my rant, I just heard a very interesting saying. The gentleman, who is on National Radio right now, said (paraphrased) ‘there’s Governments trying to run things, corporations trying to run things, and people trying to live their lives’. This is exactly how “civil society” is defined by a number of theorists. Civil society is the third sector, not the state or the market, but a group of people trying to live their lives. I’m sure no one reading this really cares but it’s something I haven’t had time to think about since last year (when I took a paper in Civil Society and Development) and it’s interesting to hear someone other than my lecturer saying it.

Rant Time:

Everyone does silly things. We’re human. It’s the way things works. Eve bit an apple, Adam didn’t help things, they hid behind some bushes, got kicked out of the garden, and now we’re all pretty good at screwing up. It frustrates me that politics is particularly dirty and in many ways I guess that’s one of the [many] reasons that I don’t want to ever be an MP.

My problem is that I like David Parker. I was particularly glad that he’d been given two important ministerial portfolios (transport and energy) and I had real hope that he’d be a real asset to the Government and country. Now I don’t know what to think. I don’t want to condone what he did, even if it was a “mistake” . . . but on the other side he’s a fantastic MP and he’s doing amazingly well given the fact that he’s only been in Parliament for four years. He’s bright, wants to make a difference, and is concerned about the current problems dogging the transport and energy sectors. I don’t know whether he’ll resign from his ministerial portfolios, but from here on in it’s going to be more difficult for him to be taken seriously by the opposition and media, at least for a while. That bugs me. Doing silly things bugs me. I’m going to stop thinking about it caus it’s making my head go round in circles. I don’t ever want to be an MP, please keep reminding me of this.

As the ‘Sunscreen Song’ man said: “Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.”

It’s a terribly horrible wet day! I don’t have any dizzy tablets left so my head hurts and I need more coffee . . . what a pleasant way to start the day . . . but here’s a story to make anyone smile:

“Police in a Czech city are asking local residents to keep a lookout for kangaroos on the loose.

A male kangaroo and his female companion vanished two weeks ago from the municipal zoo in Plzen, about 100 kilometres west of Prague.

Police and zoo officials kept the disappearance quiet until today in hopes the pair would eventually hop home.”

Just imagine being a tourist in Plzen and randomly seeing a kangaroo hopping around, sheer brilliance! If they make it to Austria, they’ll have to remove these signs:

Thanks to newsroom.co.nz

I had originally thought that the UK universities had much better administration beauracracies than many of those in New Zealand. Well most of them might, but certainly not the University of Manchester.

This morning I received two emails from Manchester. One letting me know my login and password so that I could track my application, and one letting me know that the Development Department there had just received my application . . . over three months since I received an email from the university letting me know that they’d received my online application.

Now this shouldn’t bug me as much as it does, because I’m going to LSE anyway. But it frustrates me that the university has taken so long to get hold of me . . .

I’ve just logged into their online system and it doesn’t even record that I’ve sent in an application . . . dear golly gosh I thought Vic’s general silliness frustrated me but this is just cruel. I sent a very polite email back to the admissions people asking exactly why it has taken them this long to get back to me and I am hoping for a lovely reply tomorrow. At some stage I might tell them that it’s no use anyway because I’m already enrolled at the London School of Economics. I’ll let them answer my questions first though . . .

What is the world coming to!

I have this bad habit of occasionally going on socialist rants about the need for more care and concern for the poorest. On the oddest of occasions, I go crazy at churches that spend their money on things that really don’t matter when they could do a little more about providing services for the poorest in their own countries, or in other countries. So here’s today’s example:

Destiny Church leader Brian Tamaki and his wife have recently been on a $40,000 cruise around the Caribbean on the Queen Mary 2, to celebrate their wedding anniversary. It was paid for by the church’s 22 senior pastors - who derive their income from members who give a percentage of theirs to the church.

Now I know Destiny Church has been labelled as a bit loony before but this just cuts the cake. On what level is church tithings being used to fund a cruise ever a good idea!! Grrrr, this world drives me up the wall!!!! If “Christians” don’t show love and help those that need it, then how can we expect anyone else to.

God doesn’t expect us all to give up all our material possessions, and that’s definitely not what I’m saying, but I do think there are much better ways to use $40,000 worth of tithings.

A press release issued this afternoon claims an immediate family member of one of the band is ill. No more details were given.

U2 were scheduled to play two sold out shows at Auckland’s Ericcson Stadium on April 17 and 18. The shows are promoted by The Next Adventure and Michael Coppel.

New dates for these shows will be announced as soon as possible, says The Next Adventure President Arthur Fogel.

“Any fan of U2 will realise that this decision has not been taken lightly”, Mr Fogel said.

“We will announce further details as soon as we have them.”

The illness also affects sold out shows in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney, Yokohama and Honolulu.

Thanks to stuff.co.nz

 Welcome to this year’s public service exam. I see that all of you have been able to find yourself a seat and desk so obviously you’ve got what it takes to be public servants.

Should you pass this exam and become a member of the public service, you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy of all your friends but also a unique package of fringe benefits, including:

* an early retirement scheme which allows you to retire while still turning up for work

* flexi-time which enables you to decide when you don’t want to work at work and when you don’t want to work away from work

* free use of government stationery (this has been facilitated by the introduction of eight-items-or-less lanes as you leave the building).

I must at this stage warn all examinees that anyone found cheating or copying from their neighbour’s paper will be automatically assigned to Parliament - regardless of whether they fail the intelligence test…ESPECIALLY if they fail the intelligence test.

MATHEMATICS:

Please answer the following questions in the spaces provided on your answer sheet.

If you went to lunch at 12 noon and came back to work at 2:30 pm how long have you had for lunch?

The answer of course is half an hour.

For those who failed the maths test, you may still be eligible to become Mr Howard’s tax policy adviser.

MULTIPLE CHOICE:

1. If you are about to take your lunch break and a female member of the general public comes with an enquiry, you should address her by saying:

a) Can I help you, madam?

b) Can I help you, miss?

c) What can I do you for, mate?

d) How’s tricks, doll-face?

The correct answer is ‘none of the above’. This is a trick question. If you are about to take your lunch break, you shouldn’t talk to her at all.

2. If a member of the general public phones up with a complaint and you realise that the file on this matter has been lost. You should say:

a) We are looking into the matter

b) Can I get back to you on this one?

c) The matters have been referred to another committee

d) I haven’t had a chance to look into it yet.

The correct answer is that you should tell them that they have the wrong telephone extension.

SPELLING:

Spell the following words:

a) Tea

b) Sickie

c) Lunch break

d) Go-slow

This is the end of the examination.

Please sign your exam paper illegibly and pass it to those collecting them, while denying that you have ever seen or heard anything about it.

GUIDE TO PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS:

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS = Able to bullsh*t

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS = Spends a lot of time on the phone

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE = Not too bright

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED = Made no major blunders yet

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY = Too ugly to get a date

ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Drinks a lot

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Spouse drinks, too

INDEPENDENT WORKER = Nobody knows what he/she does

QUICK THINKING = Offers plausible excuses

CAREFUL THINKER = won’t make a decision

AGGRESSIVE = Obnoxious

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS = Gets someone else to do it

EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL = Speaks English

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL = A nit picker

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES = is tall or has a loud voice

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT = Lucky

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR = Knows a lot of dirty jokes

CAREER MINDED = Back Stabber

LOYAL = can’t get a job anywhere else.